You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
