just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
