i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
