somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
