UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
