No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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