weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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