Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Still dying that you shit outside
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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