That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
