I can't watch pbs sober anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
