Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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