I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
