if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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