youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
