Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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