her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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