You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
