yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
