even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
