he puts the penis in happiness.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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