i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
