You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
