Don't you send me to vm
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
