They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
