We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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