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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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