he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
