I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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