He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
