Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
