I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
