then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
