I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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