I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
