I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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