I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
