We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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