Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
