Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
