i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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