I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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