They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
