im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
MIDGETS
????
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
