Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
