dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
love makes seman taste better
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
