i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
