Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
