So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
