I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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