What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
