well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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