yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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